There is No Dark Side Here
Chapter: Season Six
I’d show up for that. Three times. I’m getting the Millennium Falcon dog fighting other ships and Jedi Master Skywalker. I’m there on opening night. I’m a kid again.
Today is also the final day of the Fire Sale. Get the deals while you can because most of these items will not be reprinted.
HOVER-TEXT: You Tusken kids with your hootin’ and hollerin! GET OFF MY SANDY, SUN-SCORCHED LAWN!
Here’s the thing. I’ve never liked Star Wars. Never saw episodes 4-6 until 1997, my senior year of high school, when pop culture had spoiled everything for me. I saw a meh story line, meh acting and good-for-their-time special effects. (Also may have been in that contrary teenager phase)
My favorite parts of the 6 movies is actually end of episode 2 and beginning of episode 3 for all the crazy space fighting. That’s it.
Star Wars has never really hooked me.
So when I say I’m so fucking hyped for this movie to come out this year, realize how much extra weight is behind it. See yinz at the midnight showings.
Yinz? Pittsburger?
Holy shit, is that a light walker?
You’re damn right it is.
Doubled over laughing.
From Luke Skywalker to Luke Needs-a-walker
That last panel literally almost killed me. And I’m not misusing the word “literally” here; I saw it when I was eating a breakfast sandwich and I almost choked on it when I started laughing.
Up hill, both ways. No Bantha.
Love it! Cranky old Luke with the lightsabre walker!
Incidentally, the comics posted after the last “No Context Theatre” all seem to be a bit more “pixelly”, as it were, compared to the previous ones. (I mean, it’s all pixels, but these most recent ones it’s more obviously pixels. Does that make any sense?)
…are they playing “Thunder Road”? The Mad Max-esque board game from Milton Bradley? 1991-ish?
THEY ARE! I wondered if anyone would catch it. Thunder Road is one of my favorite games.
Weird Al totally called it in ‘Yoda’
But I know that I’ll be coming back some day
I’ll be playing this part ’till I’m old and grey
The long-term contract that I had to sign
Says I’ll be making these movies till the end of time
Unfortunately, without his Yoda…unless Yoda is going to show up as a Force Ghost again š
I also love the fact that MAD Magazine called C-3PO being Luke’s brother back after Empire.
Just saw Weird Al in concert. For the past couple of tours, his encore act has consisted of his two Star Wars parodies, “The Saga Begins” followed by “Yoda”.
I can’t wait to see what he comes up with once the new movies hit, and he can finally finish his own Star Wars trilogy. If he does do another Star Wars song, it will probably be the best thing to come out of the new movies, and they will have been well worth it.
I want that last panel as a poster! Take my money!!
OMG, t-shirts!
“When I was your age, we had to WALK to go get power converters! Through five feet of sand! And we were THANKFUL!”
The only (and perhaps most important) story arc left unresolved by the end of ROTJ:
https://xkcd.com/1550/
I would definitely pay money to see this.
On a more serious note, people are bitching about anything and everything with regards to the new film (and Disney’s Star Wars in general). It’s an unfortunate reality, but every fanbase has more than its fair share of assholes who are blinded by nostalgia, and/or just not willing to give new stuff a chance.
I’m definitely trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the possibility that it’s going to suck balls, but I don’t think it’s a likely possibility. Abrams has made some great films in the past, he’s co-writing the script with the guy who wrote Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, and Disney has proven with the Marvel films that they can take a classic franchise and make some magic.
All the haters can have their mugs of bitterness; personally, I’ll wait to judge the film until I walk out of the theater after the credits roll.
As far as I’m concerned…Abrams can’t do any more harm to Star Wars than Lucas already did with Phantom Menace. Honestly, these are probably the same fans who abhor the new Star Trek movies because they’re “too actiony” and while I do have some complaints about the movies, that actually hasn’t been one of them. They’re also probably the same people who hate the Moffat-Era of Doctor Who (and most of whom have never seen a pre-Davies-Era serial of the show.
Sigh…I just love my series and try to ignore the fans.
Yeah, fans can be a pain.
To be honest, Phantom Menace was my personal favorite of the prequels. Yeah, Jar Jar and young Anakin were annoying as shit, and the CGI was used kind of poorly, but at least stuff happened in Phantom Menace.
Attack of the Clones had a few action scenes at the beginning, some good stuff with Obi-Wan throughout, and the giant battle and lightsaber duel at the end; the rest of the film was Anakin alternating between being angsty around Padme, and being lovey-dovey around her. It’s the same problem Empire Strikes Back had – the key differences being that 1) Empire had the good grace to put the Battle of Hoth and the lightsaber duel at opposite ends of the film, and 2) the exposition in Empire was (at worst) semi-decent.
I’ve always believed that Lucas should have asked Fisher to script doctor the movies. I think it would have helped a lot to have someone who knew how to edit him down and focus him work on the films. From a writer’s standpoint, Lucas focused too much on trying to recreate a myth while creating the prequels and did not pick up on one of the things that made the original movies so successful- the fact that they start in the middle. One of the things that Isaac Asimov talked about was starting his stories with the action already in progress. That works for some stories- especially for a movie. Had Lucas started with the Clone Wars in progress rather than trying for all this cloak and dagger stuff, it would have helped. Another thing he could have done is, instead of Anikin being seduced by the Dark Side, he and Kenobi realizing that there was no stopping Palpatine in the end and rather than falling to the Dark Side, Anikin makes the choice to become Palpatine’s apprentice with the goal of one day stepping in and ending Palpatine’s life and reign.
Sorry, I do this sometimes. I love speculating on how I would have edited or changed a story.
I couldn’t agree more. The prequels were a hot mess. They literally couldn’t do any worse than Phantom Menace.
Mark Hamill is older now than Alec Guinness was when Star Wars was released.
I guess if Vader had lived too he’d using…
…an IMPERIAL WALKER!
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Specifically, an AT-ST. (All-Terrain Senior Transport)
The milk is blue because there is Viagra in it.
What would tie it up for me in a big red ribbon would be Luke, in a small hut on a desert planet, handing a lightsaber to a young would-be Jedi and watching him wave it around.
I don’t know if I’m alone here, but I have absolutely no problem with Disney owning star wars. Honestly… could they possibly make a bigger mess of the franchise than the prequels? Lets some new life be breathed into it.
I have prostate issues, like my father before me…
Well…not to be that guy…but the T-16 wasn’t the speeder, it was the ship Luke talked about piloting when he was targeting womp rats. It’s visible in one of the cleaned up versions in a scene at the farm. The speeder was an X-34.
I’m not looking forward to them killing off Luke (and the others?) as they did to Obi Wan in Episode iv….
Our new protagonists are going to have a hard time with their “hero’s journey” with the old Guard still watching. Disney is NOTORIOUS for making orphans…
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